So I'm talking with someone at work who was relating a story about her daughter (who is 4 yrs old). Her daughter was being demanding and insistent that the parents help her brush her teeth, get dressed, etc. She was told that she was 'a big girl now' and theat she needed to do these things by herself. It escalated into an argument over 'who was boss of whom' and ultimately there was a time-out issued in the bedroom with a removal of all of the girl's possessions.
Another person asked, "Do you think it's because she missed you during your vacation last week?" (she went on a week-long vacation sans child) The answer was something like, "No, she was with my mom, who she already spends overnights with and my mom watches her 2 days a week anyway. She was just being difficult."
Could be. Hard to tell. I don't have a 4-year old. We weren't there. We don't know the family dynamics. But as part of a family who has spent time learning first-hand about attachment strategies*, what I heard was a regression strategy to foster re-attachment to affirm to the girl that her mom is going to take care of her. Not conscious, but to me, expressed Loud and Clear.
*As a back-up to this, I have seen this in my sister's family, where her children at age 6 and 4, when left at our parents' house for a few hours, would constantly ask us if their Mom and Dad were coming back to get them. And when they did (come back for them), they would insist on being carried, and snuggle on the couch, and in general, show some regression behaviors - which to me means, "I need a way to reconnect with you."
I hope it will be so clear to me what my child's needs are as she grows older.
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