about Fatherhood

I seem to be spending a lot of time these days thinking about adoption. What does it mean to participate in an adoption? When a person decides to be an adoptive parent, there’s a lot of ‘stuff’ that comes with. It is usually not a decision made lightly, and many choose the path based on different circumstances. Many people relate adoption to pregnancy. The outward appearance is the same. I think the only similar aspect is that at the end of it, a child and parents (or a parent) come together as a family.

Starts with the pregnancy test, then the confirmed pregnancy test, then over the next 8 months, the first ultrasound, the first audible heartbeat, the first kicks, the labor, the breaking of the water, the delivery, the night feedings….

I know it’s always quite so simple. There is often a ‘journey to getting pregnant’ - (which is another post altogether).

I can talk about the initial paperwork, the social worker visits (homestudies), the fingerprinting, the physical exams, making all the copies, getting everything notarized, the excitement of doing the ‘paperchase’ and getting started, telling people the news – anticipating getting DTC and the next important milestone, the LID. And waiting for 9 months until referral. Wow, sounds like a pregnancy? Just the 9 months part. Nothing (except for hair pulling, depression, shopping therapy)happens during the Wait; no prenatal appts, no sonograms, etc. and then as each month goes by, you actually begin to see that as month 1 went by, the wait went up to 11 months, etc etc, until a year has gone by and the Adopting from China community is telling you that you expected time for referral (imagine this as your first sonogram) isn’t going to happen until about 20 months after your LID (which is similar to your confirmed pregnancy test).

Hmm, so it’s not really similar at all? The process and emotional journey (I can only assume – since I have only experienced becoming a parent one way) are completely different.

But the end result; I am a father to a beautiful girl. So does anything else matter?