pt 3

edit: I guess I actually forgot to post about Day 2 home with Daddy. So Monday, Day#1 (off work) - was the day following Daddy's night (called night #2). Day #2 (Tuesday) actually seemed like she was getting better. She ate a couple of bites of banana and yogurt, and 2 sips of milk for breakfast. Then she sat next to me, while I did some work form home, and drew on some paper. Then she drew on her hand and wanted to wash it off. On the way to the bathroom, she was so excited, she started to run. And tripped and fell head-first into the door frame. Screaming, crying, you name it.
I thought she needed a long drive to get some extra nap time in, so we drove to another part of the bay for some lunch. Which she did (sleep). Got there, ordered up a fish taco with some beans and rice. She had 1 bite of beans and rice, started coughing and wanted NO more. She sat on my lap and was hot and flushed in the face, so we got back into the car and drove home. She slept again for about 30 minutes.
When we got home, I turned on the choo-choo for her, and she sat, leaning up against the couch on some pillows, zoning out with the video, until she finally pooped out around 3:15 and fell alseep. So I left her there on the floor to sleep for about 1 and 1/2 hours while I did some work from home.
She had a couple of bites of dinner, and then she was done. DW had a great idea for some menthol chest rub, so off I went while Mommie and LG did bath time. She didn't want milk, but sat them calmly while I rubber the menthol on her. She actually seemed to like it. I wondered if they used something similar in the orphanage (I'm actually pretty sure they did, seems like a very 'Chinese' thing to do). DW was able to get her down for sleep at 9.
edit complete.

Well actually, it's Day 3. Another day home with LG yesterday. She actually slept the whole night without getting up or crying out once! However, she still had a pretty deep cough, and I was thinking that at the daycare, she'd be playing outside etc, so she wouldn't be resting. So she stayed with me, we went grocery shopping, then went to have lunch with Mommie. She fell asleep in the car for about 10 minutes. We actually ran some errands and she didn't want anything to eat, so we went home and she slept for about 40 minutes in the car (i just parked it until she coughed herself awake).
Then we went inside and I was able to whip up some tunasalad and feed her some on some butter crackers. Whew! It's nice to know she's starting to eat again. She didn't want any milk, though, makes her cough alot.
Then I made her lie down, turned off the choo-choo video, turned off the Christmas tree lights, pryed the choo-choo out of her fingers, turned on her lullaby music, and let her cry it out for about 10 minutes, "Mommmieeee! My choo-choo! My choo-choo! Lights (Christmas tree)!!! Mommiee!! Mommmieeee!!! etc. (10 minutes)"
Then she was out light a light. For 2 hours.
Had a fantastic dinner where she actually ate a good amount.
Bath, night-time milk, some menthol rub, and asleep within 5 minutes of laying down.

Then Mommie and I had a little talk (again).
Her: Do you want me stay home with her tomorrow?
Me: Well, I absolutely need to go to work, because I keep rescheduling this one thing that I have to get done.
Her: But I have an 8:30 appointment.
Me: Depends if she's feeling OK; I guess I could drop her off at my parents
Her: ....
Me: I really think you should spend some time with her.
Her: It's really no different than her going to daycare (meaning the same number of hours that DW and LG weren't spending together)
Me: Well, it really is different, becasue she spent the last 3 days almost exclusively with ME.
Her: ....
Her: Well, I guess you could drop her off and tell them to call ME if she needs to be picked up (due to her cough)
Me: Maybe you should try to get off early, so you can pick her up and spend some girl time together.
Her: She just has a different relationship with you than she does with me...I don't know why, but it's different.
Me: I know, but she'll be really happy to spend some alone time with you...

and with that, the teeth-brushing, etc. was completed and the conversation was over.



Oh and LG slept soundly through the night, just coughing a couple of times, and with a little decongestant, she was able to breathe wasy and cough-free for the next 3 hours. Going to daycare, Daddy's going to work, Mommie's going to work, then Daddy's gonna call Mommie at work and harass her to get off work early.

pt. 2

Well, as it turns out, soon after the last post, LG picked up a cold that came with a 102 F fever. Consequently, she was stuck to her Mommie that night for comfort, which was an all-night affair, due to the congestion, coughing, fever-ish delirium, and general discomfort. Various OTC meds offered some relief, but the fever just needed it time. So DW spent the entire night with LG holding her, soothing her, sleeping with her on the floor - sharing the pillow- or letting LG have the middle of the pillow, until about 6AM (so I am told), when LG suddenly sat up, crawled into bed, and pulled the covers up to her neck.

Sunday morning was better, the fever broke, and we went out for lunch. Well, after we got back, the fever returned, but it was hovering around 101.4 F or so. (Is that an improvement?) So then last night, she started off to bed with me, but after a couple of rounds of coughing and trying to climb out her bed (falling into the bed with her face several times), she decided enough was enough. "Mooooommmmmmmmie!!!!!!"

So in went Mommie, who had already decided that her previous night of no sleep was not going to be repeated and I would sleep with LG. (As if it's determined by us, not LG). DW also decided that if LG was too sick for daycare on Monday, Stew would stay home because Stew gets sick time at work, whereas DW uses vacation time. Anyway, LG was comforted by Mommie for about an hour, then screamed out for Daddddiiiieeeee! So in I went. And spent the rest of night on the floor, but every 30 minutes or so LG would cry out for Mommie or Daddy, or her favorite stuffed animals (who were in the bed with her). And every 30 minutes, I would pop my head up and tell her, Mommie's sleeping, Daddy's here. Put your head down, it's OK, Daddy's here. And rest my hand on her back until she drifted off to sleep.

50 /50. Mommie, 1st of 2 nights; Daddy, 2nd of 2 nights.

Daddy, all of Monday with sick LG. If LG is still sick tomorrow, Daddy - all of Tuesday with LG.

This is what I'm talking about - for LG, it's not 50/50.

On attachment and regression

So I'm talking with someone at work who was relating a story about her daughter (who is 4 yrs old).  Her daughter was being demanding and insistent that the parents help her brush her teeth, get dressed, etc.  She was told that she was 'a big girl now' and theat she needed to do these things by herself.  It escalated into an argument over 'who was boss of whom' and ultimately there was a time-out issued in the bedroom with a removal of all of the girl's possessions.

Another person asked, "Do you think it's because she missed you during your vacation last week?" (she went on a week-long vacation sans child)  The answer was something like, "No, she was with my mom, who she already spends overnights with and my mom watches her 2 days a week anyway.  She was just being difficult."  

Could be.  Hard to tell.  I don't have a 4-year old.  We weren't there.  We don't know the family dynamics.  But as part of a family who has spent time learning first-hand about attachment strategies*, what I heard was a regression strategy to foster re-attachment to affirm to the girl that her mom is going to take care of her.  Not conscious, but to me, expressed Loud and Clear. 

*As a back-up to this, I have seen this in my sister's family, where her children at age 6 and 4, when left at our parents' house for a few hours, would constantly ask us if their Mom and Dad were coming back to get them.  And when they did (come back for them), they would insist on being carried, and snuggle on the couch, and in general, show some regression behaviors - which to me means, "I need a way to reconnect with you."

I hope it will be so clear to me what my child's needs are as she grows older.