It's all in the Details

The details – why does everyone want to know the details? This is a general question, to which I’ll say – I guess they are nosey or gossip-y. The details don’t really matter. Like when you hear that so-and-so doesn’t work for the company anymore. “Why? Was (s)he fired?” “Where did (s)he go?”

How about “So-and-so is adopting…:” “Why?" "Can't have kids?" Etc. etc.

Is (s)he adopted? Where is (s)he from?

“(S)He is adopted from China…” “Do you know the birth parents?” “Was (s)he was abandoned?” Etc. Etc.

Where? What’s was her name? What are you naming her? Why? How long have you had her? How is it going? (meaning what dramatic attachment stories can you tell me)

For many of us adoptive parents, the details are private. Why. When. Where. How. I’m talking about OUR details. So if you think I’m protective or private about my details, you can expect that I’m private about my daughter’s story. Which in the IA blogging world, costs you credibility. Unfortunate, but true. I wish I could be as open and honest as so many are. I wish I felt comfortable posting pics of my family. I wish I was able to be comfortable sharing. I’m just not. But it is so hard to try to blog about something, and not give any details. I am going to try to share enough, but also to retain the specifics for anonynimity’s sake.

Why anon blogging? Because when it comes to sharing our journey, there many things we go through that only other IA parents can relate to. And those we know who might be putting us through the wringer as they also go through their own journey as an outside insider (i.e. our parents, siblings, coworkers) get their feelings hurt when we discuss how we deal with them. So we can't really blog about our 'process' or the 'journey (emotional growth)' of adopting on our 'Family Blog.' Sucks but that's the way it is. One of the Not-So-Rosy parts. and even if I was open about who I am, the readers, well, a reader might actually know someone in my family or at my work, etc. And you know where that's going....

So in reference to China Ghosts, I applaud Jeff for sharing his story and his daughter’s story. And also all of the others in the blogosphere who do the same. It really helps many of us feel ‘normal.’ And at the same time, I cringe and shudder at the loss of privacy for our kids. They don’t know it now, but they will pay a price when they get older. I hope that our families and friends will be sensitive with whatever information they do have when our kids get older.

BTW, I'll be posting more about China ghosts later (as soon as I tear it from my wife's hands!)