More sick

Well, I was off work on Monday because I got a cold; I didn't even lift my head off the pillow until 11AM. It would have been a good day to do some blog posts, but I barely got up to take some A!rborn, the 'proven, non-effective supplement'. Went back to work yesterday, with some congestion, but runny nose gone.

Last week LG had diarhea. Luckily, she's been doing some potty training, so the first episode was on the toilet (we use a potty seat on the toilet, not a self-contained potty chair). She was still unhappy about it, though. Early the next morning she had another episode in her diaper. Whew, stinkyyyy!

Anyway, she was still eating, and had no fever, and generally seemed OK, but we stayed home and she napped for about 1 hour in the mid-morning and then again in the afternoon for about 2 hours. I guess she needed the rest.

Later that night, she had another BM; solid this time. But it was whitish color (or absent of color). I've heard of this before; for people with nasty colds, but I know that not everyone looks at and discusses their BMs. Especially not the color or shape or consistency of it. (except for new parents, and then it's only about the kid's BM, not their own)

Each day has progress with more and more color, so it appears to be more normal now. A couple of days ago I g00g led 'white BM' and found some link to forums where people mentioned it might be mucus, and just montior it for a few days - if it persists to call the ped then. so I think we're OK, the BMs are solid and somehwat colored again. sorry if it's TMI,

Bullets

2 bullets because there are 2 topics...

• We bought some small chopsticks for LG. Just to start practicing with. Some things, we are just REALLY old-school about. And using chopsticks (for me) is one of those things. DW sent me video link a couple of years ago about ‘making trainer chopsticks’ with some paper and a rubber band, and I flat out told her – “no way is a kid of mine going to be seen using something like that. Back in the day, no one in China ever used ‘Trainer chopsticks.’ As a matter of fact, did you use trainer chopsticks? Because I know for a fact that I never had a rubber band around mine.” My mom actually had a homemade set of small bamboo chopsticks (cut down and sanded smooth) for us kids to learn with. I think in Asia kids start using chopsticks around the age of 3 – so up until now, we’ve been using fork and spoon with LG, but one night, at one of our favorite Chinese restaurants, we saw a father with his 2 daughters eating dinner. And the youngest (who looked smaller than LG) was using chopsticks (!!). So a few days later we went to the Ichibankan (Japanese $0.99 store) and found some small chopsticks that even had little grippy bumps on the end (helpful since the Japanese chopsticks are tapered). So far, she has had a couple of successful uses – noodles and a piece of chicken. No pressure, though, she can always switch to her fork or spoon (or fingers), if necessary.

• Last night I asked DW if LG was Happy. She looked at me as if I were high. I couldn’t put my question into other words. I mean she’s got a killer sweet demeanor, hugs, kisses, she shares (not main foods, but snacks). She smiles, and laughs, loves to tickle and be tickled. She loves piggy-back rides, gives and receives massages. She plays with shoes, often wearing DW or mine and shuffling around the house. She plays with her dolls and stuffed animals. She loves looking for choo-choos as we drive around town. She’s friendly and outgoing (but sometimes a little shy or bashful). What I’m wondering is, is she happy? I mean her life, like is she happy with her life? With us. Because on some level, this union as a family was a choice. Which seems a weird way to put it. But if LG were able to choose, would she have chosen us?

Pt. 4

Thursday, day 4 at home from school. Mommie stayed home with LG and they had a wonderful day together. Some coughing persists, but generally, she’s better. They went to my MILs and she ate almost an entire Chinese tamale by herself. Whew, her appetite is back!

I came home kind of early, around 5:40. LG was in a bit of a mood, though, preferring to have Mommie hold her, but Mommie was trying to prepare chicken for dinner. LG wanted to sit on the counter next to Mommie’s raw chicken cutting board, but wouldn’t let me pick her up to put her there. Tears rolling, and crying out, Mooooommiiiiiiiieeeee! Mmmmoooooommmmmmiiiiiiieeeee!!!

Finally, I was able to set her on the counter, and she kept trying to push me away with her hands and her feet. But I had to stay there to make sure she didn’t try to grab the knife (she is only 2, after all). She started looking around the counter and saw some old, stale Cheese puffs that she wanted to eat. So she asked me (reluctantly), and since I was able to open the bag for her. Eventually, (after about 6 cheese puffs) she let me stay there, too.

We had a wonderful evening of family time, with DW wrapping presents and LG helping with the sticker labels. Mommie and LG went in for bath time, and I cleaned up the kitchen. Afterwards, the usual repaper for bedtime rituals, and Mommie and LG went off to bed.

About 5 minutes later, DW comes out and says, “she’s asking for you.” Huh? Ok, I get up to gio to LG’s bedroom, where I am greeted by LG, who has gotten out of bed to come get me. She pulls me by the hand to her bed, climbs in, I tuck her in, and she whispers, “Daddy.”

“I’m here,” I whispered, as a I put my hand on her back. And in about 3 minutes, she was sound asleep.



Friday morning update: Today she went to daycare – boy, was she happy to see all her familiar faces! Big smiles! And a very easy, “Bye, Daddy!”

pt 3

edit: I guess I actually forgot to post about Day 2 home with Daddy. So Monday, Day#1 (off work) - was the day following Daddy's night (called night #2). Day #2 (Tuesday) actually seemed like she was getting better. She ate a couple of bites of banana and yogurt, and 2 sips of milk for breakfast. Then she sat next to me, while I did some work form home, and drew on some paper. Then she drew on her hand and wanted to wash it off. On the way to the bathroom, she was so excited, she started to run. And tripped and fell head-first into the door frame. Screaming, crying, you name it.
I thought she needed a long drive to get some extra nap time in, so we drove to another part of the bay for some lunch. Which she did (sleep). Got there, ordered up a fish taco with some beans and rice. She had 1 bite of beans and rice, started coughing and wanted NO more. She sat on my lap and was hot and flushed in the face, so we got back into the car and drove home. She slept again for about 30 minutes.
When we got home, I turned on the choo-choo for her, and she sat, leaning up against the couch on some pillows, zoning out with the video, until she finally pooped out around 3:15 and fell alseep. So I left her there on the floor to sleep for about 1 and 1/2 hours while I did some work from home.
She had a couple of bites of dinner, and then she was done. DW had a great idea for some menthol chest rub, so off I went while Mommie and LG did bath time. She didn't want milk, but sat them calmly while I rubber the menthol on her. She actually seemed to like it. I wondered if they used something similar in the orphanage (I'm actually pretty sure they did, seems like a very 'Chinese' thing to do). DW was able to get her down for sleep at 9.
edit complete.

Well actually, it's Day 3. Another day home with LG yesterday. She actually slept the whole night without getting up or crying out once! However, she still had a pretty deep cough, and I was thinking that at the daycare, she'd be playing outside etc, so she wouldn't be resting. So she stayed with me, we went grocery shopping, then went to have lunch with Mommie. She fell asleep in the car for about 10 minutes. We actually ran some errands and she didn't want anything to eat, so we went home and she slept for about 40 minutes in the car (i just parked it until she coughed herself awake).
Then we went inside and I was able to whip up some tunasalad and feed her some on some butter crackers. Whew! It's nice to know she's starting to eat again. She didn't want any milk, though, makes her cough alot.
Then I made her lie down, turned off the choo-choo video, turned off the Christmas tree lights, pryed the choo-choo out of her fingers, turned on her lullaby music, and let her cry it out for about 10 minutes, "Mommmieeee! My choo-choo! My choo-choo! Lights (Christmas tree)!!! Mommiee!! Mommmieeee!!! etc. (10 minutes)"
Then she was out light a light. For 2 hours.
Had a fantastic dinner where she actually ate a good amount.
Bath, night-time milk, some menthol rub, and asleep within 5 minutes of laying down.

Then Mommie and I had a little talk (again).
Her: Do you want me stay home with her tomorrow?
Me: Well, I absolutely need to go to work, because I keep rescheduling this one thing that I have to get done.
Her: But I have an 8:30 appointment.
Me: Depends if she's feeling OK; I guess I could drop her off at my parents
Her: ....
Me: I really think you should spend some time with her.
Her: It's really no different than her going to daycare (meaning the same number of hours that DW and LG weren't spending together)
Me: Well, it really is different, becasue she spent the last 3 days almost exclusively with ME.
Her: ....
Her: Well, I guess you could drop her off and tell them to call ME if she needs to be picked up (due to her cough)
Me: Maybe you should try to get off early, so you can pick her up and spend some girl time together.
Her: She just has a different relationship with you than she does with me...I don't know why, but it's different.
Me: I know, but she'll be really happy to spend some alone time with you...

and with that, the teeth-brushing, etc. was completed and the conversation was over.



Oh and LG slept soundly through the night, just coughing a couple of times, and with a little decongestant, she was able to breathe wasy and cough-free for the next 3 hours. Going to daycare, Daddy's going to work, Mommie's going to work, then Daddy's gonna call Mommie at work and harass her to get off work early.

pt. 2

Well, as it turns out, soon after the last post, LG picked up a cold that came with a 102 F fever. Consequently, she was stuck to her Mommie that night for comfort, which was an all-night affair, due to the congestion, coughing, fever-ish delirium, and general discomfort. Various OTC meds offered some relief, but the fever just needed it time. So DW spent the entire night with LG holding her, soothing her, sleeping with her on the floor - sharing the pillow- or letting LG have the middle of the pillow, until about 6AM (so I am told), when LG suddenly sat up, crawled into bed, and pulled the covers up to her neck.

Sunday morning was better, the fever broke, and we went out for lunch. Well, after we got back, the fever returned, but it was hovering around 101.4 F or so. (Is that an improvement?) So then last night, she started off to bed with me, but after a couple of rounds of coughing and trying to climb out her bed (falling into the bed with her face several times), she decided enough was enough. "Mooooommmmmmmmie!!!!!!"

So in went Mommie, who had already decided that her previous night of no sleep was not going to be repeated and I would sleep with LG. (As if it's determined by us, not LG). DW also decided that if LG was too sick for daycare on Monday, Stew would stay home because Stew gets sick time at work, whereas DW uses vacation time. Anyway, LG was comforted by Mommie for about an hour, then screamed out for Daddddiiiieeeee! So in I went. And spent the rest of night on the floor, but every 30 minutes or so LG would cry out for Mommie or Daddy, or her favorite stuffed animals (who were in the bed with her). And every 30 minutes, I would pop my head up and tell her, Mommie's sleeping, Daddy's here. Put your head down, it's OK, Daddy's here. And rest my hand on her back until she drifted off to sleep.

50 /50. Mommie, 1st of 2 nights; Daddy, 2nd of 2 nights.

Daddy, all of Monday with sick LG. If LG is still sick tomorrow, Daddy - all of Tuesday with LG.

This is what I'm talking about - for LG, it's not 50/50.

I have had lots of topics to post about, but haven’t had much time. And as such, the topics have expressly left my little pea-brain. I’m home with LG today, she’s sporting a 102F fever and some head congestion with post-nasal drip and a cough. So I’m trying to keep here comfortable and entertained with crayons, choo-choo trains, and bananas (and now la-la).

I don’t think I’ve read any adoption blog posts about this topic of attachment, so I’m sticking my neck out there. Have any of you ‘pulled-away’ from your child to sort-of ‘force’ bonding onto the other parent? I do.

We started our bonding and attachment education and process during our wait. Our agency had a social worker present a class on the topic that we attended during our paperchase. There were many suggestions to help initiate the process for both parents. Truth be told, the wait was so long, that seemingly the class advice slipped from our minds.

During our wait, we heard tons of stories from well-intending family members and friends about other ‘family’ members’ and their friends’ experiences after coming home with an adopted child. The stories that we heard the most often were that the dad-child bonding was the worst. That the kid would scream and holler at the sight of the dad. That the dad couldn’t hold, or even touch, the child without an extreme meltdown. (And the mom-child bonding was suggested to be automatic and not-an-issue). So we tried to make an extra effort to do 50/50 everything when we were in China.

I posted about me being the ‘preferred one’ for the first few months home, then DW became the ‘preferred one’ when I got very busy at work. As a matter of fact, for the first few months home, we used to take turns putting her down at night, and giving the night-time milk, and reading the night-time story, but then one night, LG suddenly decided she only wanted mommie for going to bed. To the point of pushing me out of the room and closing the door on me, with an emphatic, “Nooooooooo, Daddddddddiiiiieeeee.... Mommie!”

But now DW has taken on additional work, and so she puts in even more hours at work than I do, so we're back to LG has a little more time with me than DW. I know we've been home for about 15 months now, and that LG is securely attached and bonded to us (as compared to others). So I'm kind of flashing back to the first coule of months home.

So lately, sometimes, LG really just wants me. I don’t know if it’s just the male attention thing, or if we just had a really great morning, of she’s already doing that mother-daughter thing, or what. But I feel like I’m hogging our daughter or even causing a rift between the 2 of them. So even on those long days when after work DW picks up LG from daycare, and goes home and cooks while I’m stuck at work, I continue to encourage the DW-LG quality time by making myself busy in the kitchen, taking out the garbage, or doing laundry; “forcing” my poor, tired DW to do the bath time, lotion, pajamas, toy clean-up, hair brushing, teeth-brushing, milk-time all by herself. Because I know that these items are still critical bonding-time activities. Anyone else do this? (Moms or dads)

TV Reality?

DW is catching up on Grae’s Anat omy. I’m not sure what season, though. Last night we watched an episode where a woman brought a baby into the ER and the baby the baby had fallen down and was crying, but suddenly stopped. The Dr. took the baby and discovered that she was still breathing, but then all of a sudden the woman collapsed on the floor.

Apparently (I was doing something else and not watching), the woman had fallen down the stairs with the baby and broken some ribs herself and they (the ribs) punctured her heart and lungs, so she was in life-threatening danger. The baby had suffered a brain bruise or some brain swelling, but was generally OK. The dad was really not too interested in the baby or the status of the baby, rather he was really anxious about the surgery his wife was about to have and he said something like, “… we just adopted her last week and now I really need to be with my wife.”

The woman was all tubed-up and she was really concerned about the baby, one of the interns asked her if she wanted to see the baby, and the woman nodded yes. As the intern was wheeling the baby into the room, the woman crashed, and doctors were everywhere and the man told the intern to ‘get that baby out of here!’ I think the woman stabilized.

Then as the baby got better, and was cleared for discharge, the wife’s condition was worsening; she kept spring leaks in her lungs. And the dad (husband) basically said he couldn’t raise the baby girl if something happened to his wife, that the doctor should tell him who to talk to (to find another family for the girl), “I just don’t see myself when I look at her; she just looks like a baby, not a piece of me.” He wouldn’t hold her (the baby).

I told me wife, he really needs to stay with the baby, because if his wife goes, everything about the baby will remind him of her. He went to say that he just couldn't raise her without his wife, that he wasn't capable. The doctors were able to help him realize that although he thought he hadn’t bonded with the little girl, vs. the mother who ‘had an instant bond,’ he actually was aware of 5 things about her, that not just anyone knew. And so he became aware that he was, in fact, already forming bonds.

The mother died in surgery (I think), and the father named the baby with a name that the mother would have wanted.

I hoped I didn’t butcher the story too much….