Forum topics

Here are 3 topics I'd like to address from the Adopting from China forum (not the real name) I lurk.

1. Chinese earwax
2. What do you call grandparents in Chinese
3. Discipline in China


1. Chinese earwax – how do you remove it. First of all, yup, we have it. And it is mostly dry flakey, chunks. People on the board have been describing their success with using oil, or drops to help soften it. Mostly everyone (non-asian) recommends NEVER sticking anything in the ear canal to attempt removal. One person (Chinese, I think) describes the use of the “ear stick” that his (her?) mother used on them.

This is how we grew up, my mother would sit on the couch, with a pillow on her lap, and we would take turns laying our heads in her lap. She would carelly use our “ear cleaner” which is a very small metal spoon, curved at a slight angle, with a long (about 3-4 inches) handle. I think the method used is to gently ‘pick’ at or lift the edge, or scrape the flakes and lift them out. (I’ve never done this to another person’s ear).

When you get old enough, you can do it to your own ears (although, since I left home, I never obtained one for myself). For LG, we have done neither method – her ears are CLEAN!

2. Grandparents in Chinese – our families speak Cantonese and nearby village dialects – so this is how we do it our (DW and mine) families

Father’s father – yeh-yeh
Father’s mother – ngin-ngin
Mother’s father – gung-gung (sounds kind of like goong-goong)
Mother’s mother – po-po (sounds kind of like paw-paw)

3. Discipline in China – generally speaking, I think in china and in Chinese culture, hitting is OK (meaning allowed culturally). When I was a kid, the mean of discipline was either 1) your “da-da stick” (which I think da-da means “to hit”) – which was a feather duster, or a yard stick and you were told to go get your ‘da-da stick’ for the administration of your punishment – kind of like – “go out and cut yourself a switch,” or 2) a belt, or 3) an open hand.

I do remember seeing other kids (Chinese) at the playground with their Grandmas (ngin-ngin or po-po) who were led off of the playground by the ear. I also know that some Chinese families do a very firm pinching grasp of the arm or back of the neck.

We tried a ‘time-out” with LG (who just turned 2) by having her stay in the corner away from the toys and activities, but she thought it was a game and kept leaving the corner. So other means we have done is to remove the toy or itme from her and place it high on the mantle so she can see the ‘wanted’ item is not accessible to her when she is throwing it our otherwise misbehaving. However, this “punishment” doesn’t math the “crime” so it is difficult to use for other unacceptable behaviors – i.e. hitting, standing up on the couch, spitting, etc. We’re still working on it, and I think we both agree that we’re not implementing the ‘da-da stick.’ Yet. (We're hoping the non-physical methods will work).