Forum topics

Here are 3 topics I'd like to address from the Adopting from China forum (not the real name) I lurk.

1. Chinese earwax
2. What do you call grandparents in Chinese
3. Discipline in China


1. Chinese earwax – how do you remove it. First of all, yup, we have it. And it is mostly dry flakey, chunks. People on the board have been describing their success with using oil, or drops to help soften it. Mostly everyone (non-asian) recommends NEVER sticking anything in the ear canal to attempt removal. One person (Chinese, I think) describes the use of the “ear stick” that his (her?) mother used on them.

This is how we grew up, my mother would sit on the couch, with a pillow on her lap, and we would take turns laying our heads in her lap. She would carelly use our “ear cleaner” which is a very small metal spoon, curved at a slight angle, with a long (about 3-4 inches) handle. I think the method used is to gently ‘pick’ at or lift the edge, or scrape the flakes and lift them out. (I’ve never done this to another person’s ear).

When you get old enough, you can do it to your own ears (although, since I left home, I never obtained one for myself). For LG, we have done neither method – her ears are CLEAN!

2. Grandparents in Chinese – our families speak Cantonese and nearby village dialects – so this is how we do it our (DW and mine) families

Father’s father – yeh-yeh
Father’s mother – ngin-ngin
Mother’s father – gung-gung (sounds kind of like goong-goong)
Mother’s mother – po-po (sounds kind of like paw-paw)

3. Discipline in China – generally speaking, I think in china and in Chinese culture, hitting is OK (meaning allowed culturally). When I was a kid, the mean of discipline was either 1) your “da-da stick” (which I think da-da means “to hit”) – which was a feather duster, or a yard stick and you were told to go get your ‘da-da stick’ for the administration of your punishment – kind of like – “go out and cut yourself a switch,” or 2) a belt, or 3) an open hand.

I do remember seeing other kids (Chinese) at the playground with their Grandmas (ngin-ngin or po-po) who were led off of the playground by the ear. I also know that some Chinese families do a very firm pinching grasp of the arm or back of the neck.

We tried a ‘time-out” with LG (who just turned 2) by having her stay in the corner away from the toys and activities, but she thought it was a game and kept leaving the corner. So other means we have done is to remove the toy or itme from her and place it high on the mantle so she can see the ‘wanted’ item is not accessible to her when she is throwing it our otherwise misbehaving. However, this “punishment” doesn’t math the “crime” so it is difficult to use for other unacceptable behaviors – i.e. hitting, standing up on the couch, spitting, etc. We’re still working on it, and I think we both agree that we’re not implementing the ‘da-da stick.’ Yet. (We're hoping the non-physical methods will work).

1 year

Well it’s time to reflect on our 1year anniversary (which we celebrated last week). DW and I took the day off of work, and we had a leisure breakfast as a family, went to the photography studio to take a family portrait 1 year after our first (which was at the Civil Affaris office in Guangzhou, China). During the preview of the pictures, LG had a little stomach-ache, and proceeded to have diarrhea right there in the photo studio. So I hastily chose some pictures while DW cleaned up LG in the bathroom. We went home, had some lunch, LG took a nap for 3 hours (I guess she wasn’t feeling well), woke up with more diarrhea, and that killed our entire afternoon. No visit to the zoo, no swimming in the pool. Just us 3 hanging as a family, through sickness and health, just like 1 year ago at the White Swan, where the first night, LG slept between us on the rock hard mattress, and proceeded to have a blasted-poopy diaper in the middle of the night, with her butt planted VERY close to my head. I wouldn't have it any other way.

It’s been a wonderful year, and a quick one, too. My, does time fly. She’s almost 2 now, talking a little bit, in a toddler bed now, can take off her clothes and shoes by herself, starting potty training, eats with spoon and fork, and wears 24 months clothes (where a year ago, she was wearing 6 month clothes!). Happy 1 year, Baby. Daddy loves you.

Now I need to get back to backing up your video tapes from 1 year ago!