What did you do during The Wait? (Long)

So I was reading a new family's blog updates while in China, and bestowing a bit of advice about the new bedtime ritual.  And as many new parents do, as we did, and other new A-parents do, they held her, rocked her, walked with her, talked softly to her, while she screamed bloody murder.  Arms and backs aching, the post generated some interest and I felt complied to respond.  Because we had the SAME experience.  I was somewhat more successful with getting our LG to calm down and start self-soothing that DW was.  I used a "hippy-dippy" energetic technique, after a short "holding" (somewhat firm, which resulted a physical struggle and some amount of elevated stress, until LG was not-so-subtly coerced into resignation) which helped then helped her 'get the idea' that I was there to help her get calm and provide comfort for her.  DW tried the 'hold firm' technique with a squirmy, frothy, spitting, crying bundle of 'joy,'  which resulted in two very upset females in our family. Henceforth, I did the 'putting-down' at night during the rest of our trip in China.  We were already focused on splitting the bonding time, with a slight edge towards me, since DW had feared the LG would not have anything to do with me (as sometimes happens to the new Dads).

Anyway, I digress.  We winged it.  The whole time.  And when we got back, too.  But know that our strategy was changing daily, if not by the hour.  Mostly it was about tuning into LGs needs versus what strategies we read about, were told about (by other A-parents, other parents, our parents, the SW, the adoption agency), and thoguht we had a handle about.  We went to a Social Worker class about forming bonds and attachment.  We read some blogs.  We talked to other A-parents, already home.  We talked with other parents (with bio kids).  DW read a little of Choo (you know what I mean).  I didn't.  We were anxious and had no idea of the little child to enter our lives, who would she be, how would she be, etc.  So the day we left for our trip, DW dug out a handout from our Social Worker talk to bring with us to read (since it had been over 2 years since we went to that class).  We read it the day before our Gotcha day.  I remember reading it 2 years ago, and much of it was already ingrained as strategies for me.  DW was somewhat overwhelmed, as it seemed like new info for her.

Anyway, we tried some of the strategies with LG.  We used a babycarrier that was face-to-face.  We carried her almost all the time, except in the room, we let her play on the bed or floor, she sat in a high chair during meals, she hated the crib and let her eyes well up with big ol' tears (trickster), so we let her sleep in the bed with us.  A big no-no in our families, but we re-iterated (to ourselves) that is helps bonding by giving the continual touch and smells and sounds and heartbeat/breathing rate that she will come to know - as prescribed by the bonding handout (a photocopy of a a book).   But the book also said to give milk face-to-face to force eye contact - she wasn't interested in eye contact during her 'mommy' (milk bottle).  We tried holding her and rocking her; think a child who has never been rocked to sleep with just FALL ASLEEP (in a 'stranger's arms?!  nope.  So we got creative, and eventually found a way that worked (for a bit, you see, because as she grows older, she changes, and her needs change, and so should we) for awhile.  That is, to let her try to go down the way they used to do it at the orphanage, give her a bottle of warm milk in the crib, and let her 'mommy' (milk bottle) put her down.  The sucking and warmth and full belly was soothing and worked like a charm.  And was WAY less stressful to LG.  We worked on more bonding activities during the waking hours.  And so we put her down like this for months.  And we still do for nap-time.  But for bed time, we've recently switched to holding her in a rocker with a milk sippy, let her drink, then rock her a bit with some lullabies in the background until she starts to doze.  

So anyway, I dropped a little comment to this new mom that the approach they were using (I'm sure it was a recommended approach, especially for bonding) might actually be putting MORE stress on their little girl, than was necessary.  Based on my own personal experience. Others piped in with some other tips as well.  And so she tried something new, which seemed to be better for all.  I'm sure it helped having a few days under their belts as a family, also.  But then I got to thinking.  I had popped in on her blog before China, during The Wait.  And I know the adoption was on her mind.  And I know that she read other blogs.  And I know that we did the same thing.  And yet, we both tried the same approach with the putting-down-to-sleep.  With eventual, but highly stressful, success.  And a couple of us commenting noticed we were re-living our experience through her blog.  And others (Waiting Others) are living vicariously until their turn.

So I got to wondering, what were WE doing during our wait.  Were we reading the right stuff to get us prepared?  Should we have read the 'other' handout, the one that said follow the orphanage schedule?  Would that have mattered?  We did receive an orphanage schedule, but it was in Chinese.  Our guide could have translated it, but it had the times and volume in mL, so I figured 4 of the 5 times were for formula and the mid afternoon time (12:00-2:00) was for a nap.  The schedule didn't mean anything in the moment, because that was what they GAVE her (and the rest of the kids in the room).  That didn't mean that she was full with the 150mL at 10:00AM or that she 'fell right asleep' at 8:00PM.  This was the schedule and volumes that ALL of the kids got (I assume).  And with the formula at the orphanage, which was NOT the formula we brought from home.  Mixed with my own amounts of rice cereal added, based on what I read on the rumor board forum.  Because based on what I experienced, none of it was at all accurate for LG at the age we were brought together.  Then again, she may have been in a 'survival' mode, that as long as she cried for milk, and it was brought, she quickly learned that her cries could (and would) be met.

So did any other A-parents read THIS little 'tip' anywhere?  That is, maybe just let the kids go down with the bottle, the 'mommy,' despite what the American Ped. or the ped. dentists recommend?  Since it has been their 'mommy' for months, and everything else familiar to them has been ripped away (in the most primal sense, they don't know who the heck we are or what plans we have for them), never to be seen, heard, smelled, or touched again?  That this will actually ease and support their transition into our willing and ready arms?  Rather than have some stranger holding them close, jamming our faces in theirs, pressing our lips to their faces, lips, hands, feet; things that probably have never happened to them before (Chinese show their affection to children differently, not this way).  This should be written somewhere for all PAPs who are Waiting.  

I'm not complaining, as I'm glad to have gotten there period.  But I wish that THIS, I had read somewhere.  During our Wait.  So that brings me to the title - the question is for me, what the heck did you do during The Wait?