Chinese Family Traditions for a Progressive

The Chinese have a family tradition of the Red Egg and Ginger Party for new babies. There is a lot written about the REG and the significance/requirements. I may be somewhat inaccurate in what I state here about the parties, but I think the details are only necessary as adjunct to my point. Feel free to add comment to any differences you may have been told.

Traditionally (in the old days of China), some babies did not live past 1 month after being born. If a baby lived past 1 month, a party was held to celebrate the life of that baby. The new mother and baby were kept in seclusion, to ward off illness (and presumably evil spirits from taking the baby) and for the new mother to heal. The new mother ate eggs and ginger to help recuperate (Ginger has many medicinal qualities). Eggs also symbolize fertility. And Red, well, red is good luck in Chinese tradition. So there you have it in a summary; traditionally, 1 month after the baby is born, a party with red eggs and ginger takes place.

In the U.S., the Red Egg and Ginger party usually occurs about 3 months after the baby is born. And this is primarily due to the inability to reserve a venue, plan a party, and send out invitations within 1 month. So there you have it, Chinese American tradition is 3 months after the baby is born, REG party.

For Chinese adoptive parents (or should I say, adoptive parents of Chinese kids?)*, I have seen some suggestions (maybe FCC or from an adoption ageny website?) for including and incorporating Chinese culture in the family, 100 day celebration or REG. (I think the U.S. 3 month REG is sort of a combination of 100-day and traditional REG?)

Well, for us, we certainly weren’t going to have a REG 1 month after coming home (it would be too many people too soon for LG, we’re still forming OUR bonding and attachment). And we weren’t going to do a 3-month or 100-days after coming home, since the road to successful bonding and attachment was still TBD. And the fact that 3 months or 100-days would have put us into the Christmas/ New Years time, which is virtually impossible to try to reserve a place or restaurant or catering for.

And LG is older than 1-month, 3-months, and 100-days. So what to do? 7 months after coming home, we’re celebrating. The great debate is whether or not to have Red Eggs and Ginger. Some say, since LG isn’t a baby anymore, there’s no need for REG, just have a party, with no REG. Others are saying REG isn’t ‘appropriate’ – I am assuming because LG wasn’t birthed by DW. I think the word ‘appropriate’ is just a poor choice of words. I think REG IS appropriate, because while the egg symbolizes fertility, is also symbolizes ‘new life’ and LG is just that for our family. New Life.

* added edit: adoptive parents of Chinese kids

An adoption story

It goes something like this:

A wealthy man in China had a son, whom he wanted to have a brother. He ‘adopted’ a boy (presumably from a poor family) and raised him as his son. Traditionally, it’s been said that in China, the oldest son is the Number 1 child. This was the case for the new addition to the family. He was given a new name. He was older than the bio kid. I am told he was raised as Number 1, in spite of ‘not being blood-related.’

I am a descendant of that family. The boy was my grandfather.

Pro

I'm pro. In regards to posts by johnny and Am-fam. In some ways, I wonder if I am Anti-bio? I guess I would say, I hope not, as I might someday be a bio-parent. We'll cross that bridge when/if we get there. But I'm pro. And our I600 IS officially in the system - we'll still need to complete a homestudy before we can get a fingerprint appointment, but we have until 2009 to do that!

Japanese food for dinner last night.

Updates (no food)

I think we made it. (I600A deadline). Overnight delivery was confirmed on Monday morning. Check for the application with fingerprinting fee cleared the bank, so I guess the app. is in the system!

Meanwhile, I was looking at a sight that lists adopting from China blogs, some are Waiting for Referral, others are Waiting for TA, some are In China Now, others are Home with Child.

Most of them are titled something like Red Thread something-or-other, or Journey to (Insert Name), or (Insert Family surname) Adoption. I still bristle at the ones which are decidedly offensive to Asians or Chinese. Like 4kids and a China Girl. Or Fortune Cookie Fantasies. Or Journey to Our Slit-eyed Sub-servient girl. Or Dim Sum and Potatoes. Rickshaws and Ricebowls. Eggrolls and (insert word). Chopsticks Are Fun.

Slightly different than Red Thread Jounrey, or Our Wait for Mei-mei. Or Waiting for Meili. (which are totally OK with me) How so? It’s the Objectification of a culture or of a child. Would I title my blog, Adoption and BBQ Chicken, or Journey to a Bigot Baby, or Child-laborer Makes 3, or Absolut Baby? No Way.

I know, it’s difficult to come up with a unique and ‘catchy’ name for your blog. And the Paerchase and Wait are emotionally tough, so you get into some wacky moods when ‘relieving stress via blogging.’ But it’s really important to try to be aware.

Please blog about this for other soon-to-be-adopting families. Consider yourself tagged.